I thought it was already as heavy as can be

Well, y´all, we´re goin´crazy. Last night was a dance dance revolution. Seriously. And I danced. And I can´t dance. At all. But there I was with Marsha and Rachel and Lauren and Gaetano, drunkenly trying to get Rick to dance. Snapped a photo of Hayley surrounded by three large chested dudes of various origins. I think one of them offered her a ¨refreshment¨at his place, but luckily she didn´t take him up on the offer.

Meanwhile, we lost Kasha and Christina, who came into class today a half houlr late and still drunk. It was pretty embarrasing, quite the walk of shame for mis chicas. But they were giggling all through our Spanish history lesson with Sylvia.

Things are also kind of getting interesting here. I mean, this isn´t like the incestuous DePaul Theatre School, and no one´s sleeping with anyone else (yet), but...I don´t know. Three months is a long time. And all we´ve got is time right now.

All right, well it´s time for me to check flights to Amsterdam. Shout out to my first poster, Lisi...love you babe! All the rest of y´all better start posting too!

If you take the time to move away, you´ll find it´s all been a dream

I have arrived in España!

Hello, hello, faithful readers, and welcome to this Spanish edition of my blog. Well, let´s see...I was scared as hell when I first got here, even though there were two other kids from my program on the same flight. See, the driver from Cultural Experiences Abroad decided to drop us at our houses without giving us the foggiest friggin´clue as to what in the hell we were supposed to do. Luckily, my señora came down right away and, after helping me upstairs with my suitcases, says to me, "¿Fumas?" meaning, "Do you smoke?" After an 8-hour flight, I was all about having a cigarette with my new mommy.

The rest of Monday was spent mainly sleeping and eating. The only other person from DePaul I saw was my roomie Ricky. Later on, I also met my other two compañeros, James, a girl from Portland, Oregon, and Angél, from Poland. They´re both pretty cool.

So yesterday, classes & tours took up most of a boring, boring, BORRRRING day...and then we went out for drinks at night. Myself, Ricky, Hayley, the two Meg(h)ans, Lauren (who, by the way, has the damned prettiest eyes...)

Well, anyways, there was a bunch of people there, and we began talks for a potential trip to Amsterdam in a couple of weeks. It´s looking more and more like it could be a reality, but it will definitely be a reality at some point in the next few months. Anyways, thanks for reading, and I hope to hear from everyone really soon!

Think you'd like to play ball with the law?

The House of Representatives has a few libs who have finally figured out how to play the political game. They passed a law called the Children's Safety Act, providing for extra safety for kids against sex offenders. But then they slipped in something very, very coy: An amendment providing for equal federal hate crime protection for all persons regardless of sexual orientation.

This is huge for two reasons. One, it expands on rights for gays and bisexual people, which is always good--they should have equal protection. But two, no Republican senator who has any inclination to ever run for President can, in his/her right mind, vote down this legislation. They'd not only be a flip-flopper; they'd be both anti-child and pro-discrimination. There's no way for a Moral Conservative to win on this one.

Thank the gods, too. I was getting sick of do-nothing, know-nothing, politically-retarded liberals in the Congress. Finally, we're playing the political game--and winning.

Making all his nowhere plans for nobody

My gods, I'm pissed as hell at Joe Biden.

Hillary Clinton is a fool who couldn't get elected against a post-Watergate Richard Nixon or post-anything Jimmy Carter, but at least she knows she's a douche. Biden, on the other hand, seems to have absolutely no idea that he's not being a leftist; he's being an asshole.

Seriously. Read the transcripts, if you can find them (I quickly looked on Yahoo! for a link, but I came up empty on Tuesday's session). Biden is out of control. He thinks he's being a cool, left-leaning Democrat, hoping that those of us just to the right of Communism will support his bid for presidency.

Fat chance, dumb-ass.

Biden is showing himself to be a completely inept interrogator with this whole Judge John Roberts ordeal. Biden's just being a jerk. Now I'm not saying Roberts doesn't deserve all the scrutiny in the world--anyone that Dubya nominates to any position deserves the utmost scrutiny, especially in light of this Michael Brown disaster--but there's also a line of decency and respect that Biden doesn't seem to get. Neither George W. "Shrubya" Bush nor Jude John "My Kid Upstaged Me" Roberts is our enemy; they are our opposition. Yes, as I've routinely said on this blog in my 15+ entries, I think G-dub is an idiot, and no, I don't agree with Roberts' appointment based on his record as an attorney (I think that you should establish a line as a federal judge before being nominated to the Supreme Court, something Roberts has yet to do).

But that doesn't mean that Roberts needs to be treated like a Gitmo detainee. Now let's get a few things straight: I'm a Democratic Socialist (or Social Democrat, depending on my mood), and I believe that most abortions should be legal, marijuana should be decriminalized, schools need more money to train teachers rather than shut them out, high-ish taxes are not necessarily a bad thing, pre-emptive war is bad, prisoner abuse is worse, the government should recognize only civil unions for straights and gays (marriage, of course, being a religious thing), prayer should be allowed in school but not mandated or given its own set-aside time, people who believe in strict creationism are delusional, Jesus was a cool guy and philosophical genius but not God, Blacks in this country are still treated unfairly based on their race, women in this country are still treated unfairly based on their looks/back-end shape/breast size (don't pretend it's not true), tobacco companies lied before but have paid their price and anyone who gets cancer now from smoking has earned it (that includes me, as I'm a smoker), the death penalty is inherently wrong and flawed, and, as my buddy Matt Nielsen's favorite bumper sticker read, "George W. Bush is a punk-ass chump." However, in light of all of this, I've been able to find nothing that should prohibit John Roberts from being named to the Supreme Court under this administration.

See, while I wish Roberts were not the nominee, the fact remains that he is. And that's the fault of all the idiots who didn't vote last November. It's their fault that we're stuck with this idiot in the White House. NARAL Pro-Choice, the ACLU, Sierra Club, and all the rest of the liberal organizations deserve a good share of the blame too, because they didn't get the public excited about their ballot initiatives. While they were sitting pretty, thinking, How in the hell could a half-retarded man get re-elected?, Karl "I Seriously Am The Biggest Douche In The Universe" Rove was getting religious conservatives excited about screwing over gays, blacks, and women with religious-based ballot initiatives that in a country that really followed the U.S. Constitution would have been struck down by the courts right away.

So Shrubya got re-elected. Now we're going to have to deal with the consequences. And maybe we need someone to overturn Roe v. Wade. I mean, we're talking about an increasingly conservative youth movement who's grown up in the post-9/11 United States, yet they take all their liberties for granted. They don't understand that under Nixon and especially Reagan there was a freezing of the press. They don't know about how hard it was for women half a century ago to get rid of what would grow up to be a horribly screwed-up kid with a horrendously fucked-up life, knowing it would be better for the kid never to come into existence than to have to live with a fucked-up father who may or may not have been the woman's father/brother/uncle/pastor as well. They have no clue about how kids in the '50s were labeled Reds if they so much as voiced dissent. They don't know that it was illegal in the United States, a free nation, to be a member of the Communist Party. They don't get that there was a very long time in this country where African-Americans couldn't even take a shit in the same bathroom as a Caucasian person. And they don't get that this is exactly what's going to happen if idiots like George W. Bush continue handing the country over to those dumb-ass Christians who don't even understand anything about the Bible (read: Pat Robertson, Jerry Falwell, etc.) instead of listening to Jesus' message of love as preached by Evangelical Conservatives who actually understand their religion, like Joel Osteen.

This country isn't going to hell in a handbasket, but this is the price we pay for electing a turd sandwich and nominating a giant douche to go up against him.

And don't think Joe Biden's going to be any better. He's a Kerry in Gore's clothing.

Oh yeah, she was takin' me over

So here we are, one week to go. I've got exactly seven days before I'm up in the air.

And now, of all times, I meet somebody.

Now, I'm not saying this is anything serious or anything, but I've met a very intriguing girl. And I'm thinking, where the shit have you been for, y'know, the rest of this past summer? I've been available! I've been single--for far too long, in fact. Well, okay, at the very least, I haven't had a date in far too long.

Now I don't have a goddamned clue where--if?--this could go, but it's definitely something worth pursuing. At the very least, we have a Rocky Horror/Cannibal! virgin on our hands.

In other news, well I'll be damned if Kyle Orton and the suspect defense were not the reason why the Bears lost today--it was their fucking veteran offensive line, who rattled off three false-start penalties in a row. I was cursing Terrence Metcalf and John Tait like no other. I was very unhappy. Chicago could've WON that damned game!

In even better news, Maine South's newspaper Southwords published my brother's first article. And it's funny as hell. You should read it. I'll try to post it up before I leave.

Well, that's a wrap for tonight. Join us tomorrow, when our guests will be John Tait, Terrence Metcalf, John Tait, and Olin Kreutz, as I try to kick their asses for screwing up so bad today!

Oh, and the comments section is now open, so feel free to post at your heart's content!

Children are the only ones who blush

Hate to break it to Uncle Lou, but children aren't the only ones who blush. I've been doing it every time I've gone anywhere near the door to the Coleman Entrepreneurship Center for the last...ooh, ten minutes or so.

I've got a lot to be afraid of.

Back in the '90s (I know, so long ago, right?), there was this girl I knew--Rebecca Chirdon. She was a gorgeous Irish red-haired fiddle player from Cleveland, and we met up every year at the Fleadh Cheoil. And the best feature about her? Her eyes. Big blue-green ones, if memory serves (which it might not, seen as I haven't seen hide nor tail of her in over six years). But I remember they were big. And round.

And big, round eyes are incredible.
And big, round eyes are beautiful.
And big, round eyes make me blush.

Like I said, I've got a lot to be afraid of.

Especially since I'm writing this here.

All I wanna say is that they don't really care about us

I'd like to nominate Kanye West's "George Bush doesn't care about black people" comment for absolute funniest quote of the year. Not because he tried to crack a joke (he didn't), not because Dubya's a racist (he isn't), not because King George II is an elitist (he is)...because West's rant was brilliant, but the quote actually looked like he was reading off a teleprompter. Watch the video again. You'll be entertained.

Be sure to wear some flowers in your hair

I hate to say this, because I love my English teachers at DePaul and would love to have them as Masters' teachers, but I'm very much considering heading to New College in San Francisco for my graduate degree.

I've been thinking for almost a year now that the Bay Area might be where I'm destined to be, and I've been feeling a pull back to California ever since my family and I visited L.A. and San Diego a few years ago. Now I'm considering leaving Chicago--not necessarily for good--for the Bay.

I don't know. There's something really empowering about the West Coast, especially San Francisco. Sure, it's where all the hippies started out in the '60s, being around Berkeley and all, but it's more than that--it's this vibe I get from the idea of going there that I can't describe. It's kind of like how my friend Izzy described her knowing that she's going to end up in New York (where she is right now)--she just knew. And I just know that San Francisco is feeling more and more like the right thing to do.

It's getting better all the time (it can't get no worse)

In his article today, SI.com's Peter King made some bold predictions about the upcoming 2005 NFL season, which starts in earnest on Sunday:

"NFC North: Minnesota, Green Bay, Chicago, Detroit. The Vikings play as well on offense as when Randy Moss roamed the tundra, and they're better on defense with Fred Smoot covering everything that moves. I don't trust Green Bay's defense, period. I like the Bears' D a lot, so much that Chicago could pass Green Bay if Kyle Orton is competent. Detroit will be the best last-place team in football, but that won't count for much when Steve Mariucci is being judged after the season."

"Offensive Rookie: 1. Kyle Orton, QB, Chicago. Sometimes you catch lightning in a bottle. When I saw the 6-4 Boilermaker throw in training camp five weeks ago, I said, "Who is this kid?'' What a wing. I applaud Lovie Smith for making the tough call here and burying Chad Hutchison, a limited and mechanical player. Orton is Mr. Potential, strong-armed, confident and smart. He won't have great numbers. He'll struggle early, but I think the advantageous schedule late this month (Cincinnati, bye, at Cleveland) will give him time to catch his breath and learn his craft with coordinator Ron Turner. Having Muhsin Muhammad catch 83 balls, some of them thrown in different area codes, will help."

I shot King an e-mail today telling him that, while I share his enthusiasm for Orton and the Bears' defense, I don't share his optimism. We're talking about an offense that has had three quarterbacks this preseason. We're talking about a defense that was so marred by injury last year that it almost--almost--made one nostalgic for the heyday of Dave Wannsteadt's tenure as coach (1994 was a banner year, once of only twice since Ditka left that the team's made the playoffs...and considering Da Coach has been gone since his unceremonious ouster after a 5-11 '92 campaign, that's pretty goddamned sad).

Meanwhile, let's take a look at what's happened in that time, shall we?

In 1993, the two hot coaching prospects in the league were Wanny and Bill Cowher. Cowher got snatched up by Pittsburgh, while the McCaskey ambulance thought they'd scored a huge coup in hiring Davey Boy. Twelve seasons later, Wanny's on his third team (Pittsburgh, in fact, although it's the college, not the pro, team--and they, were ranked in the Top 25 NCAA preseason but got their asses handed to them by the Charlie Weiss-coached Notre Dame Fighting Irish). After Wanny (finally) got the hook, the Bears hired Dick Jauron, the former defensive coordinator for Jacksonville. He wasn't a bad coach, but he got blamed for a less-than-stellar '03-'04 season, even though Bears GM Jerry Angelo, who has to be the most inept man to ever manage player decisions on any NFL team (short of Wanny himself, of course), stood to shoulder the blame after two horrendous drafts. Cowher, by the way, is still coaching the Steelers, and the guy I consider to be the second-best coach in the league (after Philadelphia's Andy Reid) led his team, under rookie QB Ben Roethlisburger and a somehow rejuvenated Jerome Bettis, not to mention a kick-ass defense, to a 15-1 record. Jauron is now the defensive coordinator for Detroit, but the jury's still out on how that's going to go.

Lovie Smith is now Chicago's coach, and I really can't make a call on him either way yet. See, Angelo's intrepid planning provided Jonathan Quinn, who bears more than a slight resemblance to long-departed disaster Rick Mirer, as a backup to second-year rookie Rex Grossman last season. Grossman had shown some potential in his first few starts, put in as desperation at the end of Jauron's last season, but he'd gotten hurt in the end. But he was healthy, ready to start the '04-'05 campaign. Yeah. That went out the window with his freak neck injury in the third game, and Chicago never recovered. Jon Quinn stunk up the joint, so we turned to Craig Krenzel, a rookie out of Ohio State--and he actually won. Three games in a row, in fact. Of course, the brilliance could only last for so long, especially with a sub-40 passer rating, so the Bears turned to their fourth QB, Chad Hutchinson, who promptly won, in spectacular fashion, his first game against Minnesota, but looked like Quinn's twin in the three games that followed.

So Hutchinson was supposed to be Rex "Chris Chandler Revisited" Grossman's backup. But Grossman got hurt, and Hutch's 0.0 passer rating in the first half of Preseason Game 3 sealed his fate, while Orton's spectacular performances landed him a starting job.

I'm sorry, but it's tough for me to remain optimistic when we haven't had a reliable, dependable, and non-fragile quarterback since Eric Kramer took ever snap in 1995.

Note: All quotes copyright 2005 CNN/Sports Illustrated, A Time Warner Company. All Rights Reserved.

Standin' on the corner, suitcase in my hand

Well, as of today, I've got 12 days left before leaving for Spain. And I'm nowhere near ready.

I picked up some school supplies and clothes over the weekend, but, me being the dumb-ass that I am, I only bought some shirts, thinking my six pairs of jeans and one pair of "good" pants would be sufficient. Boy, was I wrong.

So I get home and try on one pair of pants. They don't fit. Another--nope. A third--this is beginning to piss me off. By the fourth pair I tried on, my apparently extra-sized gut was starting to make fun of me. Luckily that one fit, shutting up my stomach and wiping the smarmy grin off its face, at least for the time being.

I've got two pairs of jeans and one pair of khakis that fit me. And I'm not bringing the khakis.

Seriously, I have got to be the only vegetarian I know who's actually gained weight since dropping meat from his diet. It's pretty annoying that I only have three pairs of pants that fit. Maybe I should try dieting, sure, but I eat pretty healthily. I mean, my basic meal consists of vegetables, grains, and legumes, with fruit and sugars saved for the usual dessert smoothie. And I'm afraid that if I give up smoking, I'll gain even more weight, since my mouth and hands will need something else to do.

I thought about cutting Coke out of my diet, but sugar-free soda is just gross. I did manage to cut chips out, trying to keep more to pretzels as a snack food. I'm gonna try doing dried bananas, too, since those are almost as good as chips when they're dried out and salted. But what in the hell else can I do?

When this blog opens up for commenting this Sunday, I'll be ready to take any suggestions.

Deep in the heart

So do you remember when Texas was cool, the land of cowboys and ranchers and gorgeous sunsets and Curley, the old dude from City Slickers?

Yeah, me either. For my life (and, I'm betting, most of yours), Texas has been the dumbest state in the country, somehow wrestling that title away from our other mentally challenged states like "We Don't Need No Speed Limits" Montana and "I Love Jesus And My Fetus" Kansas. Texas has become the butt of many a state-insulting joke, and not all of that is the fault of former governor George W. Bush.

Texas is in the crapper. And only Kinky can save it.

That's right, long-shot independent gubernatorial candidate Kinky Friedman, a real Texan, is mounting a serious challenge campaign. And it may be working.

Texans are being urged not to vote in the March 2006 primaries. Now before you jump on the "Vote or Die" bandwagon, listen to this: Texas state law requires 50,000-signature petitions for independent candidates, and each signatory who votes in the primary has his or her signature disqualified.

Dude, Texas is fucked up. But Kinky may be the man to save it.

I can't figure out if the dude's liberal or conservative, because his ideas don't exactly go that way. He chills with Willie Nelson (which automatically makes him cooler than most Texas politicians), and he supports bio-diesel. He believes in death-penalty and educational reform. But the funny thing is, a lot of his ideas sound downright...conservative. Not neo-conservative, mind you, but conservative in the broad, classicist sense of the word. He's a Teddy Roosevelt conservative--a progressive conservative, and no, that's not a contradiction in terms--instead of a Reagan (read: douchebag) conservative.

I hope he wins.

Listen, if you live in Texas, please, for the love of the gods, vote for this man! Don't vote in the primaries!

Check out his website (http://www.kinkyfriedman.com) for details. Wait'll you see his slogan: "Why the hell not?" The man's gonna be big, and if he can get on the ballot, I can back him. Especially with his tagline, "Vote Kinky. You'll like it."

When you sat down on the bed next to me, you started to cry

Good for Congress for passing the aid package. It needed to get done, and they got it done. And kudos to the Feds, who are helping in every way they can.

But if everything is going so well, which, according to the Department of Homeland Security it is, why is the mayor of New Orleans so angry?

"They don't have a clue what's going on down there," he said yesterday. "They flew down here one time two days after the doggone event was over with TV cameras, AP reporters, all kind of goddamn — excuse my French everybody in America, but I am pissed."

How is this happening? We're the richest damned country in the world. We're supposed to be a world leader. The world leader, in fact. We're supposed to be setting an example of how well democracy works for those idiot religious leaders in Iraq and Afghanistan. How well does democracy work if we can't help our own people?

I do not hate America. But I do hate the fact that those who're trained professionals--those who should be helping get a handle on the lawless situation in the city--are hiding. I'm talking the so-called heroes--police, in particular. Remember how heroic the New York police force was on 9/11? Couldn't the New Orleans police force do the same?

People helping people in time of tragedy. It's happening in New Orleans and all across the country. But why, then, if so many are helping in New Orelans, aren't the poor of the city being helped?

Something is seriously wrong here.

It's too late tonight

Obviously, it's too late to save the city of New Orleans. But it's not too late to save the people there.

Try telling that to the United States Speaker of the House, Illinois Representative Dennis Hastert. House Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi asked him to convene the House to begin allocating funds to the New Orleans Disaster Relief Effort, since it'll take a vote by the Congress.

Hastert said no.

I'm a bit confused here. Exactly what kinds of moral values does he stand for? He doesn't want to cut short his little vacation?

I can't believe a United States Representative could be that evil. I hope that there's more to this story than meets the eye. But I'm very upset that the man said no. Now yes, I am partisan, and I despise everything that Denny Hastert stands for. But with all the disgusting displays that we've seen, with seeing New Orleans de-evolve into Rwanda, with hearing reports of rape of children in the SuperDome, with all the shit that these people are going through, I ask, is it so big a deal to cut short your vacation? Aren't you, Mr. Speaker, a public servant?

In the meantime, President Bush said he doesn't want this disaster to turn into a political thing. Mr. President, this is a political thing. No, we cannot--and should not--blame the president for this disaster. How in the hell could he have known? Anyone, and especially my fellow liberals, should be ashamed if blaming Bush for the hurricane. He didn't bring it on.

But Bush is responsible for the fact that we have absolutely zilch on military presence in Louisiana right now. Because of the ill-advised, duplicitous, and outrightly wrongheadedness of this fruitless war in Iraq, our military sources are absolutely depleted. Where's the National Guard, the ones who assist most with this? Well, some of them are indeed in Louisiana aiding the relief effort--and their aid should not go unrecognized. They are good, upstanding people who are doing excellent work to the best of their abilities down there. That's what heroes are made of.

Yet I'm sure each of them would freely admit that there's not enough of a military presence. I'm sorry, Mr. Bush, but the blame you take for this lies in your horrendously incompetent "War on Terror." Because of your administration's lies, exaggerations, and half-truths, you have depleted our military resources. Those who could be helping with...what's the phrase? Ah yes, Homeland Security. Those who could be helping secure our actual homeland, instead of some godforsaken oil fields 30 miles south of Baghdad, are doing the latter--securing the goddamned oil fields in Iraq. Making sure that the insurgents in that hellhole of a country (don't believe me? Well tell me exactly what kind of great, free nation acutally writes a single religion into their constitution) don't take over (which, believe it or not, they already have. I'm not talking about the ones who're waging war; I'm talking about the ones who are going to be in charge of that absolutely doomed governmental structure). Keeping the Halliburton workers safe (not that those who work for Halliburton are evil, of course, but most of their bosses are).

Most of all, I find it incredible that right now, it's probably just as safe to walk down the streets of Baghdad as it is to walk anywhere in New Orelans. I just saw a report about a guy who raced to get to a Houston hospital to be with his wife and cancer-striken daughter. He said that he saw men forcing women into houses, men raping women on the streets in broad daylight...my gods.

And then there's the douchebags who're blaming this on the pro-choice movement, blaming it on the gays, blaming it on everything that's not part of Jerry Falwell's Moral Majority. That disgusts me more than anything else. Listen, all you fucking neocons who think that this hurricane is some kind of punishment: You are all bad people. That's right, I'm making a judgment. You are horrible people who ought to go hang yourselves right now.

If that seems a bit extreme, well, I apologize. But I'm pissed as hell that a bunch of idiots are going to take this moment to grandstand on their hate-filled issues. Yes, I believe that Denny Hastert made a seriously bad call, and yes, I believe that part of the problem with the relief effort is the Bush-backed War in Iraq. But there is nothing--and I mean nothing--that I would love to see more than liberals and conservatives coming together to help these people in any way possible. I know that diverting funds to the disaster relief could possibly bankrupt this country, and I've been bashing Bush for years over his handling of the budget; under normal circumstances, I'd still be bashing him.

These aren't normal circumstances.

This is a natural disaster. This is a national tragedy. This does not have to be a countrywide disgrace. But it's becoming that. Our leaders need to work their asses off to help in every way possible. This goes out to everyone on every side of the spectrum. Dick Durbin, Barak Obama, we need you--they need you. Jan Schakowski, I know you have a shitload going on in your life right now, and I know that your husband is kind of...well, kind of an idiot. But you need to put that aside and call on your fellow Illinoisan representative to convene a special Congressional session. Rod Blagojavich, I despise 83% of what you've done as governor, but you made a smart move in mobilizing the Illinois National Guard. Now take that tax money I'm paying--raise it, if you have to--and send it in a nice little package to the local Jewel Food Store. Have them take their big honkin' trucks down to New Orelans...no, better yet, pay UPS or United Airlines a shitload of money out of my, and every other taxpayer's, pocket(s), fly it down to Baton Rouge, and have them truck food into New Orleans.

We have real heroes. We need real answers. And we demand real leaders. If the ones who're in power right now can't control this, then they're not real leaders. In the next week or so, we're going to find out--moreso than even after 9/11--what they're--and we as a country--are made of.

I'm going to continue, if only because I know a lot of people are going to be pissed off that I referenced 9/11 there, that I actually said Hurricane Katrina's path of devistation is worse. Believe it or not, folks, it is. Big time. When 9/11 happened, we had a tangible enemy, but we had a city that was still able to work. New York was damaged, but it was certainly not destroyed. New Orleans has been obliterated. It has practically been wiped entirely off the map. They're not only hurt, they're devistated. There is no way that this proud city will be able to recover in a matter of weeks or months. It may be uninhabitable for years.

In addition, when we were able to finger Osama "The Biggest Douche In The Universe" bin Laden and his Funky Bunch, we had someone to blame, someone to hunt, someone we could all band together and hate. Who can we hate for the hurricane? Mother Nature? Sorry, folks, it don't work like that.

This is the single worst disaster in American history, including 9/11. If you'll notice, the country grew for the worse in the post-9/11 world. After banding us together, the president and his staff bungled almost every step from 2002 onward. And Congress went along for the ride. The Christian Right somehow came to the forefront, claiming that Christians, the largest religious group in the country, were being marginalized. The Extreme Right took control of this country, and we've grown ever-more divisive as a result.

I only hope that this disaster will bring us closer together. I fear that it's too late for that to happen.

I guess I gotta get me one or two

When a long-term relationship ends, it can leave you feeling like shit. When you have a hint that it might be coming, you tend to be a little better prepared for it--but it still feels like shit, especially when you still love that person but know that you're not meant for each other.

I dated my latest ex for 2.5 years--most of my college career. And I miss her madly, but I also hate her guts right now. I think there's something to that.

I was downstairs at the DePaul Center having a cigarette, thinking about writing an entire column today about how much it sucks breaking up, how I still miss my ex, etc., etc., when this girl dressed in very indie-punk clothes and sporting a gorgeous blonde-black seductress hairdo walked in with the froshman tour. And it's then that I realized what I need to do.

I need to get me some punk rock girls.

Ever heard that song by the Queers? "I wish they'd let me share there bubblegum/And let me hang with them and life would be so fun/I should be sedated cause my heart is all inflated/I guess I gotta get me one or two/Yummy yummy punk rock girls." It's the truth! Dammit, I need to get me some punk rock girls. They're crazy, they're fun, they're cute (well, the ones that ARE cute are VERY cute, although the ones that are ugly are...well, mostly the straight ones, I guess; the dykadelic girls are generally hotter).

But what's so goddamned weird about this is that I know I don't want to date, not just yet. That wouldn't be fair to whatever person I'd be going out with at the time. I mean, I'm not still in love with my ex, but I still love her, even though she often treated me like shit (and dumped me while I was at work). It's a weird dichotomy.

Now some readers might be wondering right now, why are you talking about your ex-girlfriend and punk rock girls, Brendan? Why the hell aren't you talking about stuff that really matters, like the victims of Hurricane Katrina or the failure of intelligence in Iraq or the fact that our high schools teach entirely the wrong novels in Lit classes?

Well, as far as Hurricane Katrina goes, I can't say anything. Nothing I blog about Mother Nature's Finest will make a damned bit of difference because what we really need to happen can't happen. What we really need to happen is for the National Guard to get down there and make sure that no more kids get raped in the SuperDome; but they're MIA...they're in Iraq. What we really need is for The President Of The United States not to tour the devistation but to meet with all his useless advisors and figure out where in the hell we're going to come up with the money when we have the largest deficit in the history of the modern world. What we really need is for Democrats and Republicans to stop bickering long enough to get their respective asses back to D.C. and do whatever they need to do to get this damned saving effort into gear--but (Illinois' own) Denny Hastert turned down such a request from Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi (he's such a fat asshole. Sorry, I had to say that). So really, there's nothing I can say that'll do anything for or against the situation. All I can say is that my heart goes out to all the victims of the hurricane--especially all the (disproportionately black) poor living down in that ridiculously segregated city.

Now, as for the failure of intelligence, let's face it, people: Anyone who thought that any goddamned thing Bush did would not be a failure of intelligence has probably done more coke than he has. The guy's a douchebag, people. He failed upwards. Explain to me why the fact that he's a conservative Christian makes him a good president. A good president initiates positive change. A good president has not one but several exit strategies on the table during wartime. A good president is a fisical conservative to balance the general fiscal liberality of Congress. A good president does not label liberal judges as activists while praising conservative-leaning judges. George W. Bush is not a good president. So for anyone to be surprised that the intelligence on Iraq was faulty proves that people in this country can be very, very stupid sometimes.

And as far as high school Lit classes are concerned, that's another post for another time. Suffice to say, J.D. Salinger should never be taught in high school classes ever again; he's a good writer who has no idea how to characterize anyone. Meanwhile, shouldn't we pause to ask why more Lit classes don't teach Othello, Things Fall Apart, Dubliners, White Noise, Paradise Lost, Lolita, Einstein's Dreams, High Fidelity, The Importance of Being Earnest, The Autobiography of Malcolm X...

But I do understand my love of indie punks. They look good. And they're generally pretty intelligent. What more do you need.

Oh, right. Can they be straight?


No. Seriously.



What, is that too much to ask?