Stranger Things Have Happened Both Before and After Noon
Or, What We've Learned This Year
Or, The Year (Such) That (It) Was, Part I
Or, The Year (Such) That (It) Was, Part I
Well, another year is about to close, and frankly, I'm good and ready to close the book on a rather lackluster 2006. Lots of shit happened, both personally and nonpersonally, and naturally, it's the personal stuff that shall be remembered -- as well it should be, since personal stuff is alls we's gots in this godsforsaken world.
But alas, I digress...
In the first of a series I plan to do to wrap up The Year That Was, I'd like to examine what we've (I've) learned. And trust me, I never thought the end of my schooling career could lead to more learning than I did the entire four years I was there, but whatever. Let's begin.
1. Sucking at life previously is no excuse for sucking forever. *N'Sync was a really, really crappy band. My Chemical Romance had never done a damned thing worth listening to. Edward James Olmos was in Selena. Mary McDonnell was in Independence Day. 24 had gone from a great show to really stretching audience patience and believability. Pat Buchannan was a rat bastard who shouldn't have been talking about anything political.
Yes, in The Year That Was, all of this was redeemed, and more. Justin Timberlake's new record is a dance-pop masterpiece that, while not on par with Michael Jackson's Bad or anything ABBA ever did, is a whole lot of fun. My Chemical Romance crafted the best rock opera since The Wall (and yes, I include American Idiot; that record was a concept album, not a rock opera). McDonnell and Olmos are the best actress and actor, respectively, on the best show on television. 24 became completely implausible, which, ironically, gave it its best season yet. Buchannan is the best political commentator in the business right now.
And yes, my head has officially exploded.
2. Doing amazing things previously doesn't excuse sucking now. I could totally lump an ex-girlfriend into this category, but I won't. Instead, I'd rather talk about the arts. Gilmore Girls was, once upon a time, the best show on television; now, it's a shell of a shell of what it was. OutKast tried to do a high-minded concept, and it was a great idea; it just didn't work in execution, which, though sad, still makes Idlewild a stinker of a record, probably the most disappointing one released this year. The Red Hot Chili Peppers made a sweet sunshine pop record with 2002's By the Way; instead of moving forward, they took twelve steps backwards and created Stadium Arcadium, which has two, maybe three, good tracks on it and way, way, way too much filler. Howard Dean was a good governor, but he's turned into one of the biggest douchebags in the entire Democratic Party. John McCain would've gotten my vote over Al Gore in 2000, but now, I'm not entirely sure I'd vote for him over George W. Bush; at least we that Bush is a jerk-off. Trey Parker is one of the most astute writers in all of television; yet, until the last four or five episodes of the long-running South Park, his astute commentaries on contemporary American culture had completely bypassed gross-out and gotten to the point of just plain bad (see "Manbearpig," which offended me strictly because it was insufferably unfunny, not because of its politics or opinions on one side or another). The Simpsons has become unwatchable in the vein of Family Guy.
3. You can go home; or, at least, you can stop being a turd every so often. Tony Snow is a douche -- not a douchebag, mind you, as I've heard some things about how he's genuinely a nice guy; but that doesn't make him any less a douche for being such a schill for a president who's destroying the country. But the White House Press Corps, outside of the wonderful Helen Thomas, had given him, as Scott McClellan and Ari Fleicher before him, a veritable free pass with their lines of questioning, upping the ante of Russertvision to new heights by rarely following up a question.
Until recently.
David Gregory started it off, first by lambasting Scottie 2 Hottie, then by becoming, after a honeymoon period, a pitbull on Snow. He flustered Snow so much that Snow accused Gregory of being partisan in his questioning, which (and Snow knew it) is absolute crap. But anyone with half a brain knows that what Snow did was absolutely intentional to get the neoconservative base fired up against the Liberal Press yet again.
I'll tell you what, faithful neoconservative readers: you show me an example of liberal bias in the press (at least, when the "liberal bias" isn't overt and admitted, as it is with news commentators like Keith Olbermann and -- dare I call him a newsman? -- Jon Stewart), and I'll shoot right back with a conservative-leaning report (and no, I won't just rely on Fox News, because that's less informative than the fake stories on The Daily Show).
David Gregory, your table is ready.
4. Dreams, except the singular one that I had a few months back, really can come true. The Chicago Bears are most likely going to the Super Bowl; at the very least, they're going to be heavy favorites in the NFC. The Chicago Bulls landed Ben Wallace, and now, they look poised to go deep into the playoffs later next year. George Mason made it to the Final Four. Brett Favre has been exposed for the egomaniacal jerk-off he is (I am, of course, a founding member of the Favre Haters of America, or FHA for short). The Democrats took control of the entire legislative branch (if you pray, pray for Senator-elect Johnson, however; I don't pray, but I wish him luck and a speedy-as-hell recovery). The Dems also have not one but three worthy prospects for the presidency in '08, two of whom have already announced they're running (John Edwards, who I will address momentarily, and Tom Vilsak), and one of whom is a guy I've already said would make a better president than senator, Barack Obama. The GOP is starting to splinter (finally!) between the Goldwater conservatives who represent true conservative values and the Reagan neophites who believe in running up the fucking deficit and passing the buck to... well, me (mutherfuckers!).
And me, I can tell y'all one dream I've had that's come true: I've managed to complete work on a rock record. It's not great -- actually, it's not even good -- but it's done. Now, on to The Adventures of Mr. Hot Dog and Bananaman, BFF!
But alas, I digress...
In the first of a series I plan to do to wrap up The Year That Was, I'd like to examine what we've (I've) learned. And trust me, I never thought the end of my schooling career could lead to more learning than I did the entire four years I was there, but whatever. Let's begin.
1. Sucking at life previously is no excuse for sucking forever. *N'Sync was a really, really crappy band. My Chemical Romance had never done a damned thing worth listening to. Edward James Olmos was in Selena. Mary McDonnell was in Independence Day. 24 had gone from a great show to really stretching audience patience and believability. Pat Buchannan was a rat bastard who shouldn't have been talking about anything political.
Yes, in The Year That Was, all of this was redeemed, and more. Justin Timberlake's new record is a dance-pop masterpiece that, while not on par with Michael Jackson's Bad or anything ABBA ever did, is a whole lot of fun. My Chemical Romance crafted the best rock opera since The Wall (and yes, I include American Idiot; that record was a concept album, not a rock opera). McDonnell and Olmos are the best actress and actor, respectively, on the best show on television. 24 became completely implausible, which, ironically, gave it its best season yet. Buchannan is the best political commentator in the business right now.
And yes, my head has officially exploded.
2. Doing amazing things previously doesn't excuse sucking now. I could totally lump an ex-girlfriend into this category, but I won't. Instead, I'd rather talk about the arts. Gilmore Girls was, once upon a time, the best show on television; now, it's a shell of a shell of what it was. OutKast tried to do a high-minded concept, and it was a great idea; it just didn't work in execution, which, though sad, still makes Idlewild a stinker of a record, probably the most disappointing one released this year. The Red Hot Chili Peppers made a sweet sunshine pop record with 2002's By the Way; instead of moving forward, they took twelve steps backwards and created Stadium Arcadium, which has two, maybe three, good tracks on it and way, way, way too much filler. Howard Dean was a good governor, but he's turned into one of the biggest douchebags in the entire Democratic Party. John McCain would've gotten my vote over Al Gore in 2000, but now, I'm not entirely sure I'd vote for him over George W. Bush; at least we that Bush is a jerk-off. Trey Parker is one of the most astute writers in all of television; yet, until the last four or five episodes of the long-running South Park, his astute commentaries on contemporary American culture had completely bypassed gross-out and gotten to the point of just plain bad (see "Manbearpig," which offended me strictly because it was insufferably unfunny, not because of its politics or opinions on one side or another). The Simpsons has become unwatchable in the vein of Family Guy.
3. You can go home; or, at least, you can stop being a turd every so often. Tony Snow is a douche -- not a douchebag, mind you, as I've heard some things about how he's genuinely a nice guy; but that doesn't make him any less a douche for being such a schill for a president who's destroying the country. But the White House Press Corps, outside of the wonderful Helen Thomas, had given him, as Scott McClellan and Ari Fleicher before him, a veritable free pass with their lines of questioning, upping the ante of Russertvision to new heights by rarely following up a question.
Until recently.
David Gregory started it off, first by lambasting Scottie 2 Hottie, then by becoming, after a honeymoon period, a pitbull on Snow. He flustered Snow so much that Snow accused Gregory of being partisan in his questioning, which (and Snow knew it) is absolute crap. But anyone with half a brain knows that what Snow did was absolutely intentional to get the neoconservative base fired up against the Liberal Press yet again.
I'll tell you what, faithful neoconservative readers: you show me an example of liberal bias in the press (at least, when the "liberal bias" isn't overt and admitted, as it is with news commentators like Keith Olbermann and -- dare I call him a newsman? -- Jon Stewart), and I'll shoot right back with a conservative-leaning report (and no, I won't just rely on Fox News, because that's less informative than the fake stories on The Daily Show).
David Gregory, your table is ready.
4. Dreams, except the singular one that I had a few months back, really can come true. The Chicago Bears are most likely going to the Super Bowl; at the very least, they're going to be heavy favorites in the NFC. The Chicago Bulls landed Ben Wallace, and now, they look poised to go deep into the playoffs later next year. George Mason made it to the Final Four. Brett Favre has been exposed for the egomaniacal jerk-off he is (I am, of course, a founding member of the Favre Haters of America, or FHA for short). The Democrats took control of the entire legislative branch (if you pray, pray for Senator-elect Johnson, however; I don't pray, but I wish him luck and a speedy-as-hell recovery). The Dems also have not one but three worthy prospects for the presidency in '08, two of whom have already announced they're running (John Edwards, who I will address momentarily, and Tom Vilsak), and one of whom is a guy I've already said would make a better president than senator, Barack Obama. The GOP is starting to splinter (finally!) between the Goldwater conservatives who represent true conservative values and the Reagan neophites who believe in running up the fucking deficit and passing the buck to... well, me (mutherfuckers!).
And me, I can tell y'all one dream I've had that's come true: I've managed to complete work on a rock record. It's not great -- actually, it's not even good -- but it's done. Now, on to The Adventures of Mr. Hot Dog and Bananaman, BFF!
posted by Brendan D at 11:21 AM
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