Go away, please go away

Memo to Lance Briggs:

Get the fuck out of my city.

According to a report in the Chicago Sun-Times, Briggs no longer wants to be a member of the Bears' organization. In fact, he claimed that the Bears had disrespected him because he was slapped with the franchise tag. So this guy'll be making over $7 million next year, nearly as much as Brian Urlacher, who, good though Briggs may be, is ten times the player Briggs could ever dream of being, and he's unhappy. Urlacher even opened up the possibility of restructuring his contract to bring Briggs back, and Briggs just wants to piss and moan about respect.

Excuse me, Mr. Briggs, but fuck you. Fuck you right in the ear.

You're telling me that the Bears disrespected you by placing the franchise tag on you? Fine! Then go to your little players' association -- you know, you retarded monkey, the union -- and bitch to them about it. They are the ones who agreed to owners' demands for some kind of security upon agreeing to free agency. If you don't like it, you tell your union rep. But the Bears were well within their rights to tag you at the end of the season. Hell, if they hadn't, I'd be calling for Jerry Angelo's head right now, and I'd be leading the Beauty & the Beast-style mob to his house singing at the top of my lungs, "Kill the Beast! Kill the Beast!"

No, y'know, so far, every move Angelo has made has benefited the organization. He made the somewhat unpopular move of firing Dick Jauron four seasons ago, leading to the hiring of Lovie Smith. He allowed Rosey Colvin to leave for the Patriots. His drafts have been almost 100% spot-on: Terrance Metcalf, Alex Brown, and Adrian Peterson (2002); Rex Grossman, Charles Tillman, Briggs, and Ian Scott (2003); Tommie Harris, Tank "Jailbird" Johnson, Bernard Berrian, Nathan Vasher, and Leon Joe (2004); Cedric Benson and Robbie Gould (2005); and Danieal Manning, Devin Hester and Mark Anderson (2006). Think about it: that's a good quarter of the team that went to this year's Super Bowl drafted since 2002! And he gutted the team of former VP of Player Personnel Mark Hatley and ex-coach Dick Jauron. Angelo, to quote George W. Bush, has done a heckuva job. So he's got my faith that he'll do what's right for the franchise.

That's why I'm not worried about losing Thomas Jones. When Cedric Benson was drafted, anyone with any football sense knew that Jones's days in Chicago were numbered. But, much like how Angelo couldn't fire Jauron upon first getting to Chicago, since Jauron had just won Coach of the Year and led the Bears to a division title, Angelo couldn't justifiably fire him -- and at that point, it would've been a bad move. Similarly, getting rid of Jones before the last two seasons would've been a really, really bad idea; Benson simply wasn't ready. Now, I think the coaches believe Benson is ready -- and so are we. Jones deserves to play somewhere where he can be the featured back -- and let's see just how good he is (I'm convinced that Thomas, good as he is, is not a "special" running back, simply a good one).

As for Lance Briggs, I don't want some motherfucker in my city who starts bitching and moaning about not getting the respect he deserves. That's Sammy Sosa. That's Cade McNown. That's Tim Thomas. That's Jeremy Roenick. Lance, do you really want to be lumped in with that crowd? 'Cause I hate every single one of those bastards, since all they did was trash the city and disrespect the fans. We're the reason you have a job, asshole!

So Lance Briggs, I am sorry to say this, since you are the second-best linebacker on the team (though the third-hardest worker; Hunter Hillenmeyer has half the talent and twice the dedication you do), but get the fuck out of Chicago. I don't want you here anymore. We don't need you anymore. And when the Bears win the Super Bowl next February while you're sitting on your couch in Arizona eating potato chips with Matt Leinart or slugging down a beer while crashing on David Carr's La-Z-Boy, remember, you were the one who scorned us, and for that, there is no forgiveness. Goodbye, douchebag.